sheepish
2007-11-18 1:45 a.m.

what young men need these days is a war to fight, or a mastodon to kill.

oh, there is a war?

okay.

i've seen that face before. that face probably has been around as long as eyebrows could be raised like that, as long as men could imitate sheep.

i received it once from a boy i loved way more than he deserved. when i went to the bathroom, a visiting friend sat on his lap and they kissed. and when i returned, he looked over her right shoulder at me, and gave me the look.

it means: i'm afraid of your reaction, liz.

well, so am i. don't desert me in this.

he didn't: i collapsed onto the floor and he held my hand while i told him how much i hated him. he stayed there. so in the end, the face wasn't necessary.

most of my actions are boring and mean nothing. but naturally i hope i have some effect on someone. i hope that boy, whom i loved way more than was warranted, learned from me to not be afraid of a woman's reactions, to ride boldly into his fuckups.

all the details of that event dissolved in my memory except for a few. one is that face, two is his hand.

--

oh tonight i'm trying to write for tomorrow. there, i just set up myself for failure. my eyes are sore.