i want a structure
2008-04-17 1:22 p.m.

tuesday-

yawn, the day is so much better when it starts before noon, i've finally realized.

and when i eat a variety of food groups.

i'll admit i don't have a whole lot to say here. eek! any day now, really, i'll quit this piece of horseshit. any day. as always there are about as many reasons to keep it as there are to give it up. i think i might give it up on my 24th birthday. i think that would be all right.

---

wednesday 9:22 am

holy christ on a cracker, why am i up this early?

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thursday 1:13

decided to go vegan again, because my life is slowly creeping out of control, in terms of what my career is and where i go next and who will love me, so it feels good to have some plan, some structure.

i think today. last time i did it for two weeks. this time, i don't know...a month? a month.

if i go to new york, which i'm thinking i might, i will have to lose weight. don't ask me why. the answer is clear within the confines of my skull but the moment it escapes my throat it sounds like crazy. i am not sure if new york is all right.

+
i know people
things to do
more jobs (?)

-
not warm 8 months out of the year
expensive
i will have to lose weight

but it's not balanced, entirely, because "i know people" carries so much weight. it's everything.

i really want to go back to london, but that's not feasible.

it's awkward to watch your dreams crumble.