violence on the internet
2008-04-09 1:35 a.m.

april 7

I've made the move from renting an apartment to renting a house, and the next step will be to buy a house, and a few years after that I'll be a bonafide adult, according to this life plan I've sketched out on a Chipotle napkin.

My housemate and I have been here five weeks. More room than I can deal with, for sure. I've developed a habit of yelling. I also find myself saying "fuckamajig" more than I used to.

The house should cost two thousand a month, minimum, but is only one thousand.
I've got some anger issues, and unlike my older sister, I don't punch walls, so I don't know what to do with it all. The anger is coating my lungs like tar.

I hear things will get better.

It's all coming at a bad time. We've got a lovebug infestation in the new house. I find them everywhere, always one step ahead of me. I pull back the shower behind the shower curtain or a stray couple bumbling along the rim of the toilet.

--

april 8

He jerks the wheel suddenly and I look at him.
"I had a waking dream," he said.
"I don't want to hear it."
"I dreamt you were being tortured."
"You're making this up to upset me."
"No, really. You were in chains being electrocuted."
"By who?"
"I couldn't see his face." He looks at me, his eyes afraid, but maybe he's lying. "I'd kill him if I saw him."
"Then I hope you won't see him," I said. "We don't need a murder to add to our troubles."
"We don't have any troubles."
"It's just a thing to say."
"We don't have any troubles."
"Keep your eyes on the road."