lessons from ernest shackleton
2007-12-13 3:53 a.m.

i can admit i've been eating a lot of useless things lately, no i don't mean pica -- dirt and broken glass and whatnot -- but rather disparate and clashing food items that mix in my stomach and create the feeling i have now.

this is for you, daniel: my stomach feels like the choppy antarctic seas sailed upon by ernest shackleton.

"whooshpm, whoosmhmp," and then an angry creak, "garrrrrrggllaagrrrrrm."

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but why spend so much time complaining about stomach pains? who do i think i am?

writing is like the unknown frosty terrain traversed by ernest shackleton. i know, roughly, the direction i am headed. i don't know the layout, or what awaits me, but the knifepoint peaks visible in the distance suggest it's going to fucking suck. it also looks impossible.

will i make it? anyone ever popped an anti-depressant knows that question.

ernest shackleton never took anti-depressants, it seems. it wasn't forced optimism. he said, we will make it.

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how relentlessly cheesy!

i just had a memory of some teacher in college asking me a question about writing, why i made a certain choice or having a certain opinion on a piece, and me replying, "i don't know, it just seems right." and he--i'm sure it was a he, i remember these things--was proud of me and nodded in this way that seemed, at least to me, to say, "you get it." i wish i could remember who that was, and what i did that was so remarkable. i like to collect these things so that if a fierce depressing thing attacks me with all my past fuckups, i'll be ready.

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here are some more far-fetched similes (and one metaphor) that i composed on a typewriter during an art show--huh? i had fun even if most don't make sense.

-he splayed her in one motion like he was shucking an ear of corn
-he rubbed the flat of his thumb upwards once, like he was spreading jam on a bagel
-he curled his finger in like he was pitting a cherry
-he rolled the bean
-between his fingers like he was squeezing the juice out of an apricot
-he moved like he was peeling a pepper into thin strips

i enjoy the apricot one.

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ernest shackleton is a hero and a savior.
ernest shackleton is a chef and an architect.
ernest shackleton is a father and a mother.
ernest shackleton is a writer and a killer.
ernest shackleton is a statue and a popcorn.
ernest shackleton is a handcuff and a thank-you.
ernest shackleton is a peachfuzz and a harder.
ernest shackelton is a ripcord and a deeper.

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those f e m i a n o s are so intense. you know? what's up with them.
why, look at that one girl--there's something rabid and dark mountain heathcliff spinning wave crash redwood absolute zero hammer nail gun nut bolt screw fire fox monster ray gun in her eyes!