feedback loop
2007-10-09 12:58 a.m.

i ate two reeses peanut butter cups: help!

my brother and i were gchatting about what went wrong when our parents raised us and which dysfunctional grandparent we had the most in common in with. i was crying in daniel's office. with daniel right there!

but it was funny, in the way discussing depressing things can be. it's so horrifying that there's nothing left to do but cheer up. dead friend jokes, hilarious unrequited love, other emotional paradoxes.

i learned recently that the term for this is "negative feedback." like a thermostat. when the temperature falls so low it encourages the opposite: a rise. until it gets too hot. and so.

positive feedback, on the other hand, amplifies itself. me laughing at the sound of my laugh. how to get out of control fast, step one.

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i want to be in the 1940's, no i'm not saying it was simpler then, i'm saying i'd prefer those problems to these: existential ennui, postmodernism, twenty-three types of deodorant, veiled bigotry, starting a family at 35, if at all.

i want you to scoop me out of my women's college where i am learning about english literature for its own sake. there are no reese's cups; my waist is belted. this is a stupid entry.