french fry into the storm
2007-09-23 6:21 p.m.

yeah all right, i'll tell you what, i don't like when my dreams make sense.

last night you and i were hanging out with some people we knew. a big black cloud came overhead. "uh oh," you said.

"don't worry," i said. "i'll get us out of here." i pointed us to a slide made of newspapers.

we got on the slide, you belly-down, me on your back. the slide made of newspapers moved us quickly, and through many twists and turns.

(it was like when i rode my bike last night after leaving the party.)

finally the newspaper slide spit us out into a big empty space. there was a feeling of falling. we were falling together--we were frantic. i grabbed for you, you grabbed for me. we locked together and landed somehow.

somehow. i didn't see the solution in as much detail as i saw the problem. then we were on the ground, safe, but we were back where we started. underneath the dark cloud.

"oh shit," i said. "i'm so sorry. i thought that would work."

you didn't look too upset with me, and i'd like to thank you for that.

---

my grip on sanity has loosened considerably in the past week or so.

i keep wanting to throw things. finally, i have become destructive in a concrete way.

on thursday night i threw a french fry into the rainstorm. that felt good. then i went home and threw some pieces of a logic puzzle onto the floor. then i threw a packet of mint tea at daniel.

i have my guesses. part of it no doubt is yazmin--this crazy birth control pill that i only took for one week because it gave me leg pains and olfactory hallucinations, among other things.

so there's yazmin. but also, it's been a really long time since anyone held my hand while i was walking. i'm not being cheesy. i think i want that so i don't wander off.