says jake, there's no shame in missing someone
2007-07-12 2:12 a.m.

today i felt so nauseated i considered that i might be dying.

yeah, i don't think i was. but i wrote half of a letter, just in case! it's actually not a very interesting letter. it ends with:

"i can't believe i'm going to die here, half dressed, surrounded by dirty clothes."

so there. next time the room is spinning and i am sure i am headed down that dark path, i will write something better.

"HENCEFORTH ALL mine enemies shall know! liz was a son of a bitch! she will return when the tide is nigh and dusky sands of time have blown away and she will seek revenge on all that wronged her, namely that one waitress at the top who never splits our checks. i bequeath everything to my mother, except the three cigarettes in my freezer, which i give to charity

THAT BEING MY FRIEND NAMED CHARITY! NOT REAL CHARITY! LOL!!!!!"

wouldn't that be a much better death-bed-letter? i hate this entry. i love rebecca.

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i was curious to see if i could do a beehive hairdo and it turns out i can, with surprisingly little difficulty.

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i've been wearing a fake tattoo over my left breast for several days now and am sorry to report that none of my students have said anything about it.

the tattoo is part of a new trend of behaviors which involve things that would upset wylie if he were here and not in brazil.

Things That Would Upset Wylie If He Were Here and Not in Brazil

1. my prominently displayed temporary tattoo
2. my trip to mcdonalds
3. my frequent trips to starbucks
4. me eating sprinkles, just sprinkles, out of the container
5. with a disposable spoon
6. me wearing tons of black eyeshadow and lipstick
7. me buying ice cream when i constantly complain about being poor
8. me not writing
9. or doing schoolwork
10. me driving distances less than 1/2 mile
11. me eating baby seals
12. me voting republican
13. me lying about both 11 and 12
14. me napping constantly
15. me throwing away a plastic bottle
16. me listening to blues traveler
17. me wallowing in self-pity