deficit spending
2007-06-29 5:14 p.m.

my spirits are low. my money is gone.

i am restless in a way that i can't identify.

sometimes i am sure there is a demented two-year-old living in my chest throwing a continuous temper tantrum.

other times i remember what an idiot i am.

my phone should be coming back this week, but my phone charger, left in maryland, won't be here until next week. so i'll sit.

my lungs are tangled up. i am totally baffled by my own life. i think i could use a best friend again as long as she doesn't die or desert me for a man. if i had to choose a way to lose a best friend, i'll be honest: dying is preferable.

nothing makes me cry as hard as i do when i remember watching you walk away and leave me to grieve alone. my losses were doubled instantly.

this month i suffer from a financial deficit, but the one that affects me the most often is my emotinal deficit. the way bills that cannot be paid pile up and garner late fee upon late fee-- my situation sometimes seems to build interest upon itself, each attempt to salvage things only lowering my credit further, to the point where i wonder what it will take to get myself out of the red.

my impulse is to try qet-quick-rich schemes. they only take away money i don't have.