forward, neutral, and reverse
2007-06-22 5:13 p.m.

recently i've had trouble distinguishing what i want to happen and what is actually going to happen.

the discrepancy, which is often huge, has also been frustrating.

i imagine my body cleaved into two or more parts, with their own agendas and expectations. i spend my days reconciling and communicating with myself. then a mood shift will wash over me, because there's a breakdown, there's always a breakdown, in the system.

and everything takes courage. that's what i think these days--everything takes courage. courage to stand up, sit down. courage to feel awkward, courage to be unsatisfied.

davey moved out. end of an era. subletters in--they and their damn loud music. are those my speakers? i think they are.

sometimes things are so great, the way it all is. opening a book and smelling the pages. or a pack of colored markers. it's so great, i wonder.

then, the reverse.