just don't ask
2007-03-12 3:17 a.m.

uhhh spring break

my contacts are so old, (HOW OLD ARE YOUR CONTACTS?) my contacts are so old that i can't really even see what i'm typing!

i want to accomplish shit this break, since i have neither the funds nor ambition to go anywhere. but i'm having trouble picking out what i want to accomplish.

daniel said to me today, "break is going to be over before you even decide what your goals are."

and doesn't that sound like a fitting description for what my entire life could be, if i'm not careful?

but i have decided, daniel, so there:

GOALS for spring break
1. pick out goals by the end of today.

2. finish "the nimrod flipout." btw, amazing.

3. start / finish "the mezzanine"

4. start submission process for my story. despite me recently saying i don't want to submit things. well, i defend my hypocrisy by saying i don't want to submit to places no one will read. what's wrong with me? i sound like a loser snob. but i want people to read it. i don't care about being published so much. blah blah shut up

5. learn 10 new words in sign language

6. complete one ink painting

7. go on a day trip

8. join the circus

9. cover myself in chocolate

10. race around the country on a skateboard wearing nothing but red short shorts

11. and the chocolate

12. seduce the son of the mayor of a small midwestnorthern town

13. make love on a stack of highlights magazines for children

14. get married on an overcast day

15. honeymoon in manhattan

16. adopt a cat and name it "daiquiri"

17. wash off the chocolate

18. curl up in a ball by his feet and beg him, beg him, beg him

19. dye my hair red, say, is this enough? what do i have to do?

20. how is it you can love every other woman on the street so deeply? how can you commit emotional bigamy? don't you have a human heart or are you like a cow with 4 hearts and 4 stomachs, 4 different places to love 4 different women equally? i am a human, i am a woman, i can only love one at a time! you're breaking me!

21. now my skin is ivory and smells like leaves

22. say, is this enough? he refuses to answer, refuses to look at me in the eyes, stares at my left ear. what do i have to do?

23. where is this going

24. when will you commit? what do i have to do? why am i wasting my time?

25. daiquiri asks for milk

26. in the penthouse. you're in the penthouse now, mister. can i trust you?

27. hit him on the foot. sometimes you lie to my face!

28. sometimes you lie at my feet, he says. this is true. you can weep, i guess.

29. let's go to pompeii, you suggest. let's go to pompeii and repair it between us. you motion towards your heart, the soft pit between your breasts.

30. he picks you up and says, we made it to thirty, are you happy now my little wife? daiquiri jumps on the arm of the couch and paws the air. you say, it's been such a long, dumb trip. i still don't trust you. are you capable of monogamy? and he says, in theory. you say, what about in practice? he says, let's practice. you say, put me down and do what you're good at, screw me on these magazines. we'll work it out in the morning.