oh honey maybe next year
2006-12-27 4:20 a.m.

today i made my annual post-christmas BLT. (it's a long story. no it's not: we eat bacon on christmas morning and every 12/26 i eat the leftover bacon in a BLT).

well i generally like christmas with my family but i can think of things that would make me like it MORE.

i also had the thought, i wish i could spend it in florida, with my friends there.

i thought how nice it'd be to do all the christmas things:

-decorating cookies
-trimming the tree
-watching christmas movies
-opening presents
-getting drunk
-christmas breakfast, christmas dinner, post-christmas BLT

but with people of my choosing, and without a moderate level of anxiety. then i realized that they'd all probably want to spend xmas with their significant others. and i remembered there are a whole bunch of christmas things for couples only:

-mistletoe
-general snuggling
-"honey i thought we agreed to a $20 limit!" "oh but honey i had to go over it." "oh honey you shouldnt have but oh this is just what i wanted!" "honey i know."
-victorias secret; get her exactly what she wants this christmas
-i just want you for my own / more than you could ever know / make my wish come true / all i want for christmas is you
-smashing the cake in each others faces

i will admit that last one is not related to christmas.

i will also admit that i am listening to hanson's "mmmbop." what that does to my credibility, i won't say.

but the more important point is that christmas has some aspects that are relationshippy and lovey, and i think that this is a recent, 20th/21st century thing. or not. or, either way, i'm going to feel left out if we're all sitting in davey's apartment opening presents and people are snuggling on that futon. i'm going to feel like i need to drink a lot.

or, even worse, if people's significant others cannot be there, and they sit next to me on the futon and lean over and say, "all this tinsel and sprinkle shit makes me miss my darling X," then i'll need to take shots.

i'll need to put on a santa hat and say, "THIS ISNT WHAT CHRISTMAS IS ABOUT." and i'll yell something about jesus and the wisemen and the single star in the desert sky, but it'll be totally inappropriate, because i'll be drunk, wearing a santa hat, and probably weeping, and moreover--i'm not religious, so what do i give a crap about three wisemen? where's one wise man? to whom am i a star?

to whom i can give coupons for anytime-anywhere-even-middle-of-the-night -if-you-so-desire-bjs?

scratch that last question if it makes me a weirdo. when did it become 4 am? i talked to beth tonight from 9:30-2:30 am, and twice we watched a 1.5 hour burning yule log video, aptly called "the yule log," on digital cable. technology is a wonder.

so wouldn't it be great to snuggle with your buggle and watch the holiday classic, "the yule log"? and when the video of a burning log begins to bore you both, bring out the coupons, if ya got 'em.