i can't be the only one that wondered.
2006-07-19 2:11 a.m.

questions after seeing superman returns that only a person like me would wonder.

-would lois lane get irritated with him after a while, because he's so perfect?

-what's up with the curl in the front? IRRRRregardless.

-is he good in bed?

-is he super?

-as rebecca points out when i ask this question, "he can hover."

-can he use x-ray vision to tell when she's close? i bet he can.

-therefore, reasons why it is natural to conclude that superman is super in bed:

*he can hover; x-ray vision to determine heartrate, blood flow, etc; stamina; he never lies

-he never lies! he can't be a real man.

-these aren't questions.

-would he ever get sick of her? because she's not perfect?

-and she is irritable and easily offended and human?

-or is that why he likes her?

-because he can have his pick of anyone, you know what i mean? why lois?

-my feeling is that he likes her because he can't have her.

-this is my natural conclusion.

-if he pines pointlessly, he must be more human than anyone ever suspected.

-if he's invincible, does his heart break?

-does his chest get tight at the thought of being alone?

-where did he learn the anatomy of a woman?

-i doubt he learned that on the farm.

-does superman whack off?

-does he think of lois?

-or does he think of like, world peace? does superman whack off to truth and justice?

-does superman come faster than a speeding bullet?

-because if he's faster than most men,

-there's only one natural conclusion. but then i suppose

-if he's perfect, he's perfect in all respects. he's no minute man.

-i bet he can time it. like, on command.

-NOW!

-does he ever lose control and like acidentally pull out her hair?

-or rip off her head in a moment of ecstasy?

-i bet not.

-but still i come back to this question,

-where did he learn what to do?

-because if he's honest and good and sweet and clark,

-he doesn't sleep around. he doesn't even kiss around.

-because let's face it,

-it's the bad boys that know what they're doing.

-yeah, superman has to keep asking, "is this right?"

-"is this okay?"

-which might be more valuable than some jackass who walks around like he invented your privates.

-yes, yes. it's much more valuable

-to ask

-and listen

-(and care about the answer).

-NOW!